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Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Want to co-host my show for a day and get your own podium next to @AndyRichter? Visit https://t.co/lRasL5jGl9 to en… https://t.co/UwVBrO7ri4 — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Pro-tip: do not go Christmas caroling in a Stand Your Ground state. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Here comes Santa Claus, here come Santa Claus, right down the 405 until he hits the 101 which is backed up all the… https://t.co/txtVCu3iBD — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth dipped in gold and turned into drone remotes. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
If the Christmas carolers at my door are really good, I turn my red swivel chair dramatically toward them. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just received Betsy DeVos’s “Marry Chrissmiss” card. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
"Stuck a feather in his cap and called it macaroni" was for many years the textbook definition of insanity. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I’m not sure I agree with Roy Moore’s position that “life begins at masturbation.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just got picked up in a self-driving Lyft. And the driver still talked my ear off. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Tonight I hung out with Chris Hemsworth, Ryan Reynolds and Channing Tatum at this cool bar called Never Gonna Happen’s. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Trump has been uncharacteristically quiet on Twitter. I bet his staff tricked him with one of these https://t.co/dCNTnOGtrd — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just saw @mulaney at the Orpheum in Los Angeles and I have not laughed that hard in memory. I want to grow up to be… https://t.co/bqlJ06kHnl — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Trump just made even more people angry -- he plans to recognize Lannisport as the capital of Westeros. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I prefer that other Chinese curse, “May you live in boring times, near a Dunkin’ Donuts.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Please don’t @ me, I’m on a news cleanse. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I just spent 3 hours trying to solve this Rubik's Cube before my son told me it's an apple. I may need a nap. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Flynn pleads guilty and flips. Finally, the 282nd sure thing to bring down the Trump Administration. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Bid on this hand-painted Gibson SG guitar to benefit pediatric cancer research at @ChildrensLA. https://t.co/ah7VvjM3e1 — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
A great thing about the new tax plan - if you own a race horse, you can write off its genitals as a small business. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The GOP tax plan can only be read while wearing a monocle and shouting “Jeeves! Wipe me!” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Five hundred years ago, it would take months for word of a sitcom’s cancellation to reach Europe. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
May you live in interesting times, like when your vice-president starts picking his vice-president. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I returned a book to the library today and learned they really prefer it to be a book that was previously checked out of a library. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The trailer for Marvel’s new Avengers movie came out today, and it’s starring every woman in America. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Lifehack: Get a tattoo of your face on the top of your head so there's never a need to look up from your phone. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
A Mormon came to my door, and after a long, emotional, and persuasive pitch, I got him to start wearing longer sleeves. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Latest entry in my Gratitude Journal: "The Altoids people didn't go into the suppository business." — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Sometimes when things go bad, I only have other people to blame. I love that. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I just heard the Dead Sea Scrolls at the new Bible Museum might be fake & I'm now questioning the authenticity of t… https://t.co/nUnD8TfNlg — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Trump is already tweeting that Black Friday is the most ungrateful of all the Fridays. — PolitiTweet.org
