Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I love Comic Con. Just saw Thanos arguing with hotel front desk about not getting an ocean-view room. #ConanCon — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I just saw two Rocket Raccoon cosplayers fighting over a Princess Leia wig! Oh wait those are real raccoons fightin… https://t.co/71GhTdW2mC — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Is it me or is Putin riding Trump like an e-Scooter? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Sure, everyone loves Chewbacca - unless you’re the guy who has to keep coming over to snake out his shower drain. #ConanCon — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

As a kid, I knew I was in trouble when my Mom would say “Conan Christopher O’Brien” through the megaphone she borrowed from the SWAT team. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Song Titles (Are Cooler When Part of the Title Is In Parentheses) — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Every father wants to hear those precious words: "Daddy, I won the lottery." — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Decades ago, James Brown tried to warn of our jobs being taken by sex machines, but would we listen? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Elon Musk didn’t save the Thai soccer team, but he will put them on a Tesla waitlist. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

It’s so hot out I keep dunking my head into my relationship with my father. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

If someone ever body shames me I'm going to clap back. God, I'm lost. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Musicologists now believe Beethoven wasn’t really deaf, he just pretended to be to avoid hearing Schubert’s boring… https://t.co/25R0eXGjEr — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

One of these Sundays, I’d like Pope Francis to say “God” the way the FIFA announcer says, “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

With the kids off at camp, my wife and I finally have some precious time to check Facebook in separate rooms. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

After four margaritas, I call it Cuatro De Julio. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

In the new James Bond movie, Bond apologizes to women for his behavior and is never seen again. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

About to peel an orange. AMA — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Does it help the environment if I drink vodka out of a reusable water bottle? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’d like it to be on the record that I was making “Paul Rudd’s penis is ant-sized” jokes LONG before he ever played Ant-Man. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Step on this little raised platform and I will guess your weight with astonishing accuracy. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Stove Top Stuffing is my favorite side-dish that sounds like a Midwestern porn video. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Don’t mean to brag, but my latest colonoscopy is getting 97% on Rotten Tomatoes. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

One sensuous glance and I knew: she was waiting for my coffee order. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I will pay for a remake of the remake of The Last Jedi, starring only corgis. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Meek Mill would also be a good name for a factory that grinds up gentle folks. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Is it bad that Hereditary made me feel a lot better about my childhood? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

No matter how bad things might seem right now, at least we still have Nick Offerman’s insane giggle: https://t.co/FPy37tBjAm — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

A little fact about me: “I can hold my pee all night” was my least successful pickup line. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Either I was a terrible NBA coach, or my players just weren't good enough to run my patented heptadecagon offense. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I just saw 3 of North Korea’s nuclear weapons on eBay. — PolitiTweet.org