Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I didn't realize the Amazon delivery guy can drop the package off inside your house, make a delicious risotto, kiss… https://t.co/1jNXmdNJdw — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Two of my favorite people stopped by to talk about fornicating in nature and revenge fantasies.… https://t.co/retm4xFSdo — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'm all for creative ways to market a film, but I still have issues with the "Guaranteed Aquaman-Free" sticker on this can of tuna. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My favorite part of true crime podcasts is the incredible suspense I feel when I’m waiting for the MeUndies promo code. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I can't truly get in the Christmas spirit until my latte makes my breath smell like I orally pleasured a candy cane. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Thank you to @DelanieFischer for this great personalized mug by @dicksbydelanie. I’m both honored and offended. https://t.co/SU0KvSildH — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Gift cards: the best way to say "I remembered you while I was at CVS." — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I was truly honored to sign this tattoo of my first mugshot. #conanandfriends https://t.co/MttPjiFpKq — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

At this point, wouldn’t it be more efficient if the White House just hired a warden? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

No one has ever told me I drink too much, and that’s the main reason I drink alone. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I just realized in Seattle, that I am mortal. https://t.co/xMrJNxRx3F — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’m selling this limited edition poster by @kiiarens on the #ConanAndFriends tour. https://t.co/I1hPc1twRm — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

When Trump's kids are bad, they get coal subsidies in their stockings. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Starting a tutoring company that only teaches entertainment reporters how to pronounce "Saoirse." — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

.@daxshepard and I get to the bottom of our failed double date @ https://t.co/9Po0LyTBd1 https://t.co/0qr1npLTG5 — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I bet Hillary no longer finds it funny when she walks into a bagel place and people chant, "Lox her up!" — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Aaa yes, that time of year again when we all break out the word ‘Tis. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

As part of her holiday give-away Ellen just gave everyone in her audience their own Netflix show. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Time to do the same thing I do every year at this time: hire the FBI to figure out who my Secret Santa was in 1995.… https://t.co/NRWxdAWtSW — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I like my pizza like I like my pizza: pizza. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

If you Google “How do I stop receiving Pottery Barn catalogs?” the top result is a page with instructions for faking your own death. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

If I could only listen to one album for the rest of my life, I would probably wonder what kind of fascist regime I was living under. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

.@billburr and I talk about conspiracy theories, Burt Reynolds, and growing up with red hair @… https://t.co/kF6g6yONwm — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I wonder if Crackle and Pop ever say, “Oh, Snap.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Ah yes, time for the annual debate between people who insist “Die Hard” is a Christmas movie and people who don’t give a shit. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Spent a day with President George H.W. Bush at Dartmouth College in 2010. He could not have been kinder and he was… https://t.co/eBnKabKHdI — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’m starting a new meme. #dotheteddy #getcelebstodotheteddy #noonewilldotheteddy #conanandfriends https://t.co/X0q0XIsaII — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Should have just said, “Who wants a cocktail?” instead of “Who will join me in briefly drowning out the shriek of The Abyss?” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

We can’t sleep, and now you can’t either. #ConanAndFriends https://t.co/OISq6VUqcY — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

@jdmcphersonjr @FirstAvenue @TeamCoco I would love to sit in with you tonight but my show doesn’t end until 10:30pm… https://t.co/p62GzHR05d — PolitiTweet.org