Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Thank you for asking but I am not Beth from Little Women. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

“If only these pancakes were more stressful to eat” -the Inventor of Waffles — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Beer gardens are daycare centers for boring adults. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Whether you say “Happy Hanukkah” or “Merry Christmas,” I think we can all say “Don’t see the ‘CATS’ movie.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My brother waits till the last minute to steal packages off a porch. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Santa works one night a week then spends the rest of the year cranking out his podcast. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I put coal in my kids’ stockings not because they were bad but to needlessly increase their carbon footprint. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

An anagram for ‘mistletoe” is ‘me toilets.’ And now I leave Twitter forever. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Waiting for the ferry to Seattle and this lone Santa by the restroom is making me sad. https://t.co/53uegfdknz — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

'Tis the season to start sentences with apostrophes. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

This week on my podcast: A conversation between two great minds, both having written best-selling books. Do not fact check that. Listen @ https://t.co/pfOk236hQr https://t.co/5tUKpta3Va — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Need a gift for the man who has everything? Try giving him a Scornful Look. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

We're one week away from President Trump bragging that he got impeached in 1 term and that loser Obama couldn’t even do it in 2 terms. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Egg Nog: because you sometimes you feel like a glass of yellow spackle. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

At some point, the internet is going to run out of space for your Star Wars opinions. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Sit. (Just found out my dog is on Twitter.) — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I think Kumail looks ridiculous. https://t.co/zKcAAgkKlc — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

This holiday season, give your co-workers the gift that says "I got you this candle": a candle. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I can’t help but wonder if this is the right time to bring a Baby Yoda into the world. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'm a huge fan of John @mulaney and his wondrous mind, so if you miss this podcast episode you are dead to me. https://t.co/pfOk236hQr https://t.co/NFXob6klUF — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

The clear lesson from Boris Johnson and Trump: voters do not like brushed hair. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Crap. Now all the tourists are going to come to my quiet hamlet of Penis Fish Bay, CA. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Greta, you need to relax and act like a kid! Go play with your friends in the glare of the scorching hell sun! — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

How is it 2019 and no one has thought of a better name for the Sperm Whale — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Is it egg-flavored nog, or nog-flavored egg? Anyway, I have diarrhea now. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Toast is just God giving terrible bread a second chance. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

.@JackBlack is one of those crazy stallions that came out of the hills and can't be broken. Hear our conversation @ https://t.co/pfOk236hQr https://t.co/FUfOcRiVg5 — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Thank you, President Trump, for allowing us to say “Die Hard is a CHRISTMAS movie” again. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I don't want to see Joe Biden do pushups, but I would love to see Michael Bloomberg try lunges. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

What if your wife bought you two Pelotons? Asking for a friend. — PolitiTweet.org