Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

There's some concern about my thumbnail from the last tweet. I injured the nail bed years ago and it never healed. Now you know my shame. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

http://twitpic.com/19765a - Behold! My traditional St. Patrick's Day feast: 7 Guinness, frozen asparagus soup, and 2 pieces of spearmint gum — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Hey sports fans, here's my NCAA pick: bet it all on the Savannah College of Art & Design. Go Fighting Acrylics! — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I just punched what I thought was a paparazzi with a long lens. It was an old man with a wheat bread sub. Sorry. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Remember everyone -- tonight at eleven set your clocks two hours back. Then at 2 am, a half hour forward. You're welcome. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Today I began my special tour diet: waffle batter, no veggies, and massive amounts of German blood sausage. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Tour preparations have begun. First step: Groupie auditions at Randy's Donuts off the 405 fwy. Knock twice on the white minivan. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Good news: Just added second shows in San Francisco, Seattle, Vancouver, and LA. Bad news: Still no show in Guam. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Hey everybody! We just added a second night in Boston. I did this so my parents could come. And one of my brothers. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

We are now adding a second show in both NYC & Chicago. For that second show, I'll be doing all Liza Minnelli songs. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Alert! Teamcoco.com is jammed with too much traffic. If you can't get on, go to http://ticketmaster.com to buy your tickets. See you soon. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Hey Internet: I'm headed to your town on a half-assed comedy & music tour. Go to http://TeamCoco.com for tix. I repeat: It's half-assed. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

OMG! My pal Sarah got bumped from Larry King for something called "Breaking News". Has the whole world gone insane?! — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

http://twitpic.com/17lx53 - I no longer have health care. Could someone show this to a dermatologist and get back to me? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

If I had a show, I'd tweet about which Oscar winner is coming on tonight. Instead, here's my favorite frozen vegetable: Peas! — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Hey gang! Look for me at the Oscars tonight. I'll be in the parking lot, wearing my prom tux and listening on the radio. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Sarah likes Twizzlers and craves cantaloupe. I like Raisinets, but melon feels creepy in my mouth. Twitter pals 4 eva! :) — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I've decided to follow someone at random. She likes peanut butter and gummy dinosaurs. Sarah Killen, your life is about to change. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

This morning I applied for a job at Home Depot, but they couldn’t find an apron big enough to fit over my head. Tomorrow: Staples. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I just had the fries at the McDonald's in Culver City near the Lady Foot Locker. SO AWESOME. If you can get there, ORDER THOSE FRIES. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

http://twitpic.com/1695g1 - This is how many people it took to write today's tweet: "Jumbo" shrimp? WTF!! — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

If anyone's curious what I look like with a beard, it's this ?:^(0) Coincidentally, that's also my ATM pin number. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

This is only my 5th tweet and I’m already exhausted. My God, how does Ashton do it? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

http://twitpic.com/15ox1s - Good news! I can now spend quality time with my vintage '92 Ford Taurus. Bad news - I left yogurt in the trunk. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Today I connected all the freckles on my arm with a Sharpie. It spells out RIKSHAZ9LIRK. Clearly I am The Chosen One. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

This morning I watched Remington Steele while eating Sugar Smacks out of a salad bowl. I was naked. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Today I interviewed a squirrel in my backyard and then threw to commercial. Somebody help me. — PolitiTweet.org