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Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Lawyer question: It's still technically murder if you make ironic “air quotes” while doing it, right? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
TWEET TO MY STAFFERS: Okay, that was me. Totally forgot. Carry on. You guys do a great job. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
TWEET TO MY STAFFERS: Whoever took a bite of the pizza clearly labeled “CO’B” will be fired. Scanning kitchen security footage now... — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Remember what I tweeted back in August? “I'm picking the Packers and Steelers for Super Bowl XLV.” Too bad there’s no way to prove it. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I still think the Patriots can win it all this year. Never underestimate Belichick! — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Fun fact: If my dad had named me instead of my mom, my show would be called “Wilberforce.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I started a journey of self-discovery, then my wife walked in and caught me. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I’ll say it: The Fonz’s trademark insult, “Sit on it!” has not aged well. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I'm either a) extremely gullible or b) about to eat a sandwich made with organic Spam. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I can't wait to try the new gigantic Starbucks size, "Trenta". Or as it's called in The Midwest, "A Medium". — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just saved 12 whole cents by buying un-waxed dental floss, and waxing it myself. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Thanks to @justinbieber for making my "adults only" tweet go viral. Good thing no kids follow him. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
WARNING: This tweet is not for younger readers! OK, here we go. Tits. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I saw Tron Legacy. It would've been cooler if everyone was in Jeggings. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The Flaming C needs a catch phase, can you all think of one? #FlamingC — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Today is 1-11-11. In binary code, that’s considered “stuttering.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
New year, new tradition: after every show, I’m celebrating with a bottle of 7-11 brand Cherrywood Cab. http://bit.ly/fXhsRN — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just saw "Storage Wars," where people bid on items in storage containers. Mankind is two months away from being completely out of ideas. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
After seeing "Black Swan" last night, I no longer think I have what it takes to be a great ballerina. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Steve Martin has cracked my secret tweet code. Meddling fool. The apocalypse begins now! @SteveMartinToGo — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
DOES ANYONE HAVE A VHS OF WILSON PHILLIPS PERFORMING ON DR. PHIL FROM 12/17? I FORGOT TO RECORD IT THANKS. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Too much to drink after the People's Choice Awards. I just found the trophy: http://bit.ly/fhL1Jf — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I almost decided not to attend the People's Choice Awards because I thought it was all the sick whim of Mario Van Peebles. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Every time someone compliments me on last night's show and it was a rerun, I scream "That's old hash, A-hole!" Then I throw ninja stars. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I forgot to bring a beard trimmer on vacation and my mustache is growing into my mouth. It is not unpleasant. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
If you doubt we have screwed up the Earth, check out my hotel view. Note: I am in Puerto Rico. http://bit.ly/gtkahX — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
In 2011, the first digit equals the sum of the last two. This hasn't occurred since... 2002. Sorry, I thought I was on to something. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
All of you transformed what should have been a terrible year into a wildly fun adventure. Thanks for sticking with me and Happy New Year. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
It's hard to fit a Top 10 list on a tweet, but here goes: my top 10 keyboard symbols for 2010: £,^,€,~,>,*,,,<, }, and ¥. — PolitiTweet.org
