Conan O'Brien

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Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

There’s a restaurant in Chinatown where I can eat without being recognized. I’ll never go there. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted July 12, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Hey @timpawlenty - If wearing a Team Coco wig helps you win in Iowa, it’s probably because Iowans think it’s corn silk. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted July 12, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Is it too early to predict that Tim Pawlenty will not be a popular Halloween costume? — PolitiTweet.org

Posted July 11, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’m trying to decide which to see: “Bad Teacher,” “Horrible Bosses” or “Crappy Transformers.” — PolitiTweet.org

Posted July 10, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

In NY. I saw "Book of Mormon," then ran into "Breaking Bad's" Aaron Paul. Now I'm at the ER being treated for an overdose of excellence. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted July 9, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

The LAPD asked me to warn you to avoid the 405 Fwy on July 16 & 17, or else the red light photo of me driving in a satin slip goes viral. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted July 8, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Can you get same-sex-married to yourself? I’m asking for a friend. Named “Shmonan.” With nonrefundable tickets to NY. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted July 7, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Six years ago Newscorp bought MySpace for $580 million. Last week they sold it for $35 million. Today I saw it on eBay for 88 bucks. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted July 6, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I wonder how Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann are celebrating the 5th of July? — PolitiTweet.org

Posted July 6, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

July 4, 1776: the day that we “unfollowed” King George. #waytoointotwitter — PolitiTweet.org

Posted July 4, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Tomorrow we celebrate our independence from Britain—with firecrackers imported from China. #doomed — PolitiTweet.org

Posted July 3, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Don’t you hate it when you drink a milk shake too fast and your brain tells you to kill Ed Asner? — PolitiTweet.org

Posted July 2, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Celebrate Freedom this weekend by going to see @ConanCantStop. Or you could stuff your face with meat and alcohol. Your call. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted July 1, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Tom Hanks is on my show tonight. As usual, he’s a total dick. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 30, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Is it me, or do people on Segway scooters look pre-wedgied? — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 30, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

How do we know those judges on “The Voice” aren’t reading People magazine when their chairs are turned around? — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 29, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Message to @MittRomney: if you don’t become the next President, don’t worry, you’ll always be Mayor of Handsometown. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 28, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

William Shakespeare smoked weed? Now I can finally mount that “Two Gentlemen from Verona” production with Cheech and Chong. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 27, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Now there’s just one Boston guy nicknamed Whitey living in Los Angeles. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 26, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Come ask Director Rodman Flender & me silly questions after tonight’s 7:15 screening of @ConanCantStop at the Regent: http://t.co/8XZ8E82 — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 25, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just found out my movie @ConanCantStop opens today in 26 art house theaters across the nation. Top that, Cars 2! http://t.co/TfR2B43 — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 24, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Want to see my head even larger? The movie @ConanCantStop is opening tomorrow. Get tix & watch the first 4 mins here: http://t.co/UCWU4ER — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 23, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

This is what rehearsal looks like to me: http://t.co/83Jg7nE — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 22, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

New app idea: Everyone gets a unique set of numbers. Type those numbers into the app and you can speak to each other! — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 22, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just as I picked up 2 boxes of bagel bites, Eddie Money's "Two Tickets To Paradise" started playing in the grocery store. Bravo, Universe. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 20, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

John Edwards looks better in his mugshot than I do in my best headshot. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 19, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

There's a big difference between seeing the sign "Employees Must Wash Their Hands", and seeing "Employees Must Wash Their Hands... Right?" — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 18, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Thanks to a typo, I now have a box of tee-shirts that say, “Aim for the feces.” — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 17, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Happy 100th birthday, IBM! Or, should I say, "0110100001100001011100000111000001111001 00100000001100010011000000110000011101000110100." — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 16, 2011 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Congratulations to the Boston Bruins for winning the Stanley Cup, and for wrapping the game up before the start of my show. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 16, 2011 Hibernated