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Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Ah, autumn in LA, when the stagehands spray the leaves such pretty colors. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I just told my kids that our dog died, when in reality he went off to live happily on a farm somewhere. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I look forward to having grandkids, so I can share my wisdom. Mostly wisdom about Angry Birds, Angry Birds Rio and Angry Birds Seasons. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
When I die, I just want my tombstone to read “George Clooney.” That ought to pull in some visitors. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I want to apologize to all the people of Tampa for my last tweet. I’m sure Tampa is a fine place to live, if you’re a mosquito. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Remember, Red Sox fans, they still have to live in Tampa. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The sonic clarity of this “cat falling in a toilet” video on YouTube is so much better with my new Bose headphones. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Join me in 20 mins as I liveblog the East Coast broadcast of my show. It's Old Media + New Media + Me Drinking: http://t.co/v4EYEq4v — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just got out of a parking ticket by confessing to a murder I didn’t commit. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
This is the world’s first 3D Tweet! Unfortunately, the device needed to view it properly has yet to be invented. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Fans, you’ll be happy to know I’ve grown my beard back. You’ll be disappointed to know it’s on the back of my thighs. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
You know you’re getting older when you throw out your back while buttering scones. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The Latin Grammys were just announced. I can’t believe I was overlooked for my solo album, “El Hombre Muy Blanco.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Should I pay to get my typewriter fixed or just wait for the new iPhone? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
This October's issue of “Playboy” will only cost customers 60 cents. So for the price of a cup of coffee, you could help feed a naked woman. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I'll be in NYC from 10/31-11/3. Currently looking for a studio audience and a ride from the airport. http://t.co/YgxIR4xN #ConanNYC — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Sometimes I get my kids to stop misbehaving by telling them the Rick Perry under their beds will execute them. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I’m going to streak the #Emmys today. Look for my red carpet on the red carpet. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
California may be releasing thousands of female inmates. Who will write me letters now? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
A new book claims Sarah Palin had sex with NBA star Glen Rice. That’s where she got the phrase, “Drill, Baby, Drill.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just learned the hard way that “Cajun-style” is not a quality you want in a proctology exam. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Mapquest is such a dramatic name. “Tell me, O Map Quest, how I doth get to the doughnut shop near Reggie’s house?” #slownewsday — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
It’s normal to have a breakfast chat alone in your office with the ghost of Nell Carter, right? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I think Newt Gingrich is the #1 candidate in the “Could be Related to Bilbo Baggins” category. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Where’s my Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor? I think people would love a bowl of “Ginger Coco Honkey Bites.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Quick, remind me: in which 80s movie did Mitt Romney and Rick Perry play the school principal and the community business leader? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Jon Huntsman was the brightest, most articulate Republican out there last night. Better luck in '16, @JonHuntsman. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Freud said "Love & work are the cornerstones of our humanness." I say it's love and that show "Pawn Stars". — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
One of my writers brought this candy back from Spain. Seriously, what is Europe's deal? http://t.co/ZGzmHAy — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Today might be Labor Day, but I'll always remember it as the day when Tsar Peter I of Russia imposed a tax on beards. — PolitiTweet.org
