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Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Not gonna say what I bought, but Amazon just reviewed my order and said, “You might also be interested in therapy.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Scotch looks delicious, but then you take one sip and it tastes like a leather furniture store that's on fire. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Men's room sign: either wash your hands with foam, or that poor bastard is missing a big chunk of his right hand: http://t.co/GfKpMQ3u — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I’m here at Walmart, Christmas shopping on Black Friday. Hope my kids like Sheryl Crow CDs. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
So stuffed, I'm kicking back in a comfy chair with my pants off. This is one laid-back Ikea. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Can’t believe it’s not even Thanksgiving and some people are already putting up their Christmas tweets. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Back home in Brookline, MA and I visited my 4th grade classroom. This is where I became the jock I am today: http://t.co/dhHZNIh6 — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just hired some out-of-work NBA players to swat raccoons off my roof. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Herman Cain says, “We need a leader, not a reader.” Is it me, or did @TheHermanCain just endorse Rick Perry? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Eating alone in an Italian restaurant and this is on the table. I think I'll use my vermicelli to make him a thong: http://t.co/cLzIuZ0p — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Question: If I decide to switch from Team Edward to Team Jacob, how will that affect my rollover minutes? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
iTunes just told me I’m the only person to ever download The Knack’s second album. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The downside of fame? I can’t walk out of a nice restaurant without immediately getting harassed and hounded by a waiter holding the bill. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Los Angeles hasn’t changed me. I still put on leather pants one leg at a time. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I wonder if this month’s issue of @MensHealthMag will have any articles about abs. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I heard that @THEHermanCain said the sexual harassment charges are making him more popular than ever. #HeyTwitterNiceRack! — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I know how Rick Perry feels. The other day I couldn’t remember the name of the third Police Academy movie. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I can’t believe it’s 11/11/11. Seems like just yesterday it was 11/10/11. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
So a celebrity can just mention a product on Twitter and then they get them sent to them for free? OVEN MITTS!!! — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Once Regis retires, I’ll have no more competition for weirdest first name on the air. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
On tonight’s show, Cheryl Hines undresses me with her eyes. Then dresses me again. And adds a hat. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
In North America yesterday, for a few seconds, the entire internet went down. Or, as it's known in my house, "The Day I Spoke to my Wife." — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
With all this negative attention on Herman Cain right now, I’ll bet Little Caesar is grabbing boobs like there’s no tomorrow. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just realized what this means on my NY taxi meter: my cab driver is foreign. http://t.co/m4fBcS1m — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Got in a fight about the Treaty of Versailles. I said the German fines were too punitive; the guy at Starbucks said buy something or leave. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Leaving NY. Does the E Train stop in LA? http://t.co/w7dWp8e4 — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Triumph is on the show tonight. I am very worried. http://t.co/RHuYyxNW — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
This is my New York pre-show ritual: stealing a longshoreman's hat and getting drunk in the back of a truck: http://t.co/LIvc1Woq — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Take a forbidden look inside my New York theater dressing room: http://t.co/pRhQb12r — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The coffee at this place is awful. It's clear and tastes like hot dogs. http://t.co/uRwGATqw — PolitiTweet.org
