Conan O'Brien

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Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Follow the folks who run my website @TeamCoco. This week I'm giving them this tweet instead of paychecks. #FF — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 16, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

When they finally found Carmen Sandiego, her bones were scattered in a coyote den. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 15, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Can someone please recommend a good Del Taco? I’m getting bored with my local one. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 14, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Whoever said “clothes make the man” has not seen me struggling into a pair of mantyhose. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 13, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Michigan State has a new course on surviving a zombie apocalypse. I think it’s a trap because the prerequisites are English 101 & Brrrains. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 12, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

It’s very considerate that all theaters showing Project X have a special “Creepy Older Guy” section. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 11, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

It’s being reported that the richest man in the world right now is a Mexican billionaire. His name? Mitt Romniguez. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 10, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I found the iPad 3 announcement especially disappointing because I’m still standing in line for my iPad 2. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 9, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Already released from Spring Training… I guess yet another year will go by without me playing for the Red Sox. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 8, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Why wasn’t there this much controversy when Rush Limbaugh called me a slut? — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 7, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I've been practicing for this year's St. Patrick's Day. Every morning, I have my personal trainer punch me in the face. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 6, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Ever notice that you never see The Lorax and Wilford Brimley in the same room together? #AdmitItWilford — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 6, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Can't decide which I prefer, burial or cremation. Can you try one and then switch if you don't like it? — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 5, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 4, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

The Civil War reenactments are a little different here in LA. Larry King is always on hand yelling, “It wasn’t like that.” — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 3, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I would gladly trade all my fame and fortune for even more fame and fortune. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 2, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Sure am glad I turned down that Nike endorsement deal. http://t.co/ZyPXqC5S — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 1, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I wonder if my car's blind spot compensates with a heightened sense of touch and smell. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted March 1, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I want to open a delivery/linen/home-furnishings store just called "Etc, Things, & Beyond". — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Feb. 29, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

After my daily workout, I like to "Sweatbomb" my assistant: http://t.co/9hbIwpJt — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Feb. 28, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

You see a lot of celebrities here at the Warner Brothers gym. Clint Eastwood can scowl more weight than I bench. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Feb. 27, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just saw a Jeremy Lin jersey on sale for $300. These prices are Jeremy insane! Wait… Did I do that wrong? — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Feb. 26, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Today I’m gonna get high and see if the Nixon tapes sync up to Pink Floyd. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Feb. 25, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

“Fine, sure, go ahead. Weird, but I like it.” (God greenlighting the Armadillo) — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Feb. 24, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Today I'm releasing a "Sync App" where you can watch #Conan on two screens at once. Take that, China! Get it here: http://t.co/8S7onDlP — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Feb. 23, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

If Meryl Streep is really such a great actress, why won’t she play the lead in my new movie, “The Tupac Shakur Story”? — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Feb. 22, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

There once was a man from Nantucket, who carried some clams in a bucket. #CleanLimericksAreBoring — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Feb. 21, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Another Monday where I can’t decide which Archie character to shave into my chest. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Feb. 20, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I can’t believe no one likes my show idea about a bunch of undead bathroom remodelers called “The Caulking Dead”. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Feb. 19, 2012 Hibernated

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

The ShamWow guy just used the ShamWow on my windshield with his squeegee. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Feb. 18, 2012 Hibernated