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Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
None of the new interns are ticklish, so that was awkward. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Why do other parents give me dirty looks when I have my son assemble an M-16 blindfolded? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
This week's @NewYorker cover is exactly what I saw the last time I did bath salts: http://t.co/zmDjtCne — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
It’s my theory that the Stanley Cup is named after Paul Stanley from Kiss. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
A 6-year-old was in the National Spelling Bee Finals. She must be quite prekoshus. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
If you’re a fan of old guys and envelopes, Wednesday’s NBA Draft Lottery was the most exciting night in sports. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Apple says they’re coming out with a big announcement. Hope it’s not about the internet history on my Macbook Pro. #EroticWeatherChannel — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Taking a DNA test just to make sure I’m not a Kardashian. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just stopped at this diner in Upstate New York. I had the Special: Soup, Sandwich, and A Curse on the White Devil: http://t.co/LXgC21cR — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
There was a tropical storm named “Bud?” I assume it’s the first one to threaten the coast wearing a wife beater. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I might be watching too much “Game of Thrones” because I won’t eat shrimp without first subjecting them to a loud, public beheading. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
A new study claims Christopher Columbus may have been Jewish. They point to his recently unearthed comedy album “Take My Spice - Please!” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
@LAKings, don’t doubt that I’m up to date on your team. In fact, I know Marcel Dionne and Rogie Vachon will take you all the way this year. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
PS - I'm watching this @LAKings game on my DVR. No spoilers, please. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The @LAKings are playing the @PhoenixCoyotes? I wonder which city that shouldn't have a hockey team will win. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
This morning I thought I heard a neighbor blasting that new @Skrillex song I like, but then I realized it was just the garbage truck. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I’m sure the guys Mitt Romney bullied in high school take comfort in knowing he’s now a famous billionaire. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Backstage at #Conan, Tracy Morgan & I fight about if Greece's debt-to-GDP ratio is causing the Euro-Zone Recession: http://t.co/Ezzn0PBR — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
A sad moment for civilization: I just bought Greece with an old can of olives. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
CBS greenlit a sitcom based on Groupon. Why is TBS stalling on my idea “Val-Pak Buddies?” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
They say “opposites attract” and yet I don’t have the hots for the Tanning Mom. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Today, Facebook went public, just as MySpace’s last user went private. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Going on Letterman tonight for the first time in 13 years. Dave wanted to wait until I hit puberty. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
.@Snooki is considering filming her childbirth, on the off chance there’s someone out there who hasn’t seen her vagina yet. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
If Obama's the first gay president, then I'm the first gay late night host! Oh, he's not gay? Then I was being sarcastic. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
You know who’s behind this big push for gay marriage? The immensely powerful tuxedo industry. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Instead of flowers, I sent my Mom an assortment of unsecured Greek Treasury bonds. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I’m just like the Hulk, except when I’m mad, I get dry mouth. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Thought from a recent hotel stay: doesn’t “Toblerone” sound like a character on Game of Thrones? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just heard someone logging onto AOL. Instead of “You’ve Got Mail” the voice now says, “Greetings, Old Fool!” — PolitiTweet.org
