Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I can’t say that my aulophobia - a fear of flutes - has held me back much. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

They canceled my masochism class and I don’t know how to feel about it. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Is it ‘vice versa’ or ‘versa vice’? Also, this is good wine. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

The factory that makes fake vomit is still in Illinois. #USA — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just spared my 8 year old son years of teasing and a lifetime of therapy by buying him a BOY'S BIKE. Hear that, DAD? A BOY'S BIKE!! — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I am so bored right now, I just yawned in the middle of a different yawn. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Whom or who should I ask about whether to use whom or who in a sentence? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if the price of wood made chucking prohibitively expensive? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Should I be worried? My son just filed the serial number off his squirt gun. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Twitter is a nonstop series of pointless arguments by people I don’t care about. It's like Thanksgiving. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’m pretty sure this on-hold music I’m listening to is a medley of “Satan’s Favorites”. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Enjoy this #CelebKamaSutra pose @RealTenaciousD and I created called "Sexual Barnacles": http://t.co/2PxKwgUD — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I hope @RealTenaciousD didn't pull a muscle with the #CelebKamaSutra pose I call "Foot Penis": http://t.co/6ybTEuOt — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My #CelebKamaSutra continues with @RealTenaciousD. This pose is called "Jack's Surprise": http://t.co/vA2syL1P — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Day 2 of #CelebKamaSutra. @RealTenaciousD and I call this pose "The Dirty Angel": http://t.co/ufGt5de7 — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

.@RealTenaciousD and I have created a #CelebKamaSutra. This first pose is called "Jealous Whisper": http://t.co/BrZhjApM — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Hey, auto industry! Why not develop a car that runs purely on my need for approval? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Took the kids to see “Ice Age 4”, and they asked why I wasn’t cast as the snow-covered stick. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

A new study says men’s brains order the body to fall asleep after sex. Still no word on what makes women fall asleep during sex. Me cry now. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

It was 100 degrees today. I haven’t seen 3 digits since I visited my old shop teacher. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

All that talk of swimmers peeing in the pool makes me want to be the first leg of the relay. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

A: “So sexy, so dumb.” Q: What is “A @RyanLochte headline that I wish was about me?” http://t.co/xwwRPFQH — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’m going to go out on a limb and say Americans should be free to marry any chicken sandwich they choose. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Other than candy, ice cream, honey, sugar, and sugar substitutes, is there anything sweeter than the love of your family? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

This Chick-fil-A scandal has got me worried. I want to go to Arby’s but I don’t know where they stand on the unrest in Syria. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

The media is way more interested in Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson than in me cheating on my cholesterol test. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Why no TV coverage of my favorite Olympic event, the 300-meter Self-Recrimination? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

This freckle looks like @CarlyRaeJepsen driving an '89 Dodge Shadow convertible: http://t.co/7PvtO2UX #FindThisWeeksFakeFreckle — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Dermatologists refer to this freckle as a "Chicken Weather Vane": http://t.co/qQd2atGW — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

This is my freckle that looks like the head of a "My Little Pony": http://t.co/OBKOQOVt — PolitiTweet.org