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Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I’m going to make up 3 fake celebrity names. There’s a good chance one of them is real: Kayden Reese. Zach Bonaparte. Leighton Meester. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Helmet-to-helmet contact should be banned from football and coal mining. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just got into a bar fight over how Angry Birds Star Wars fits into the Star Wars Expanded Universe. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Everyone loves Denzel Washington as a drunk pilot in “Flight”. Why no love for me as a drunk passenger on JetBlue security footage? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Somewhere, in the offices of a smalltown newspaper, a young columnist excitedly types the name “General Betray-us,” thinking he’s first. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Still no responses to my Craigslist ad: “Hot Biographer Needed.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
In a survival situation, you can drink your own urine. Fortunately, my Wi-Fi came back on just as I was filling the can. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Fall is in the air. No wait, that's car exhaust. Still, it's a more autumnal-smelling car exhaust. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Turns out the Philadelphia 76ers are named for 1876, when Nikolaus Otto filed a patent for the four-stroke cycle internal combustion engine. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Q-Tips: making me think I'm going to cause brain damage since 1975. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
In my house, LOL means Laugh Or Leave. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
They're making 9 more Star Wars movies. Can't wait til Darth Maul becomes Darth Mall-Walker. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
In Hawaii, a woman got away from a 12 foot tiger shark by punching it in the mouth. She was immediately escorted from the aquarium. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
RT @rickygervais: Twitter Exclusive. The Winner of the @JustSayinApp Stand-Up Contest is @SamuelJComroe. Sam will appear on @ConanOBrien ... — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
DON'T TELL ME WHO WON THE ELECTION. I've got it Tivoed. #NoSpoilers — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Regardless of who you're voting for today, do the right thing & write me in for Michigan Drain Commissioner. The madness must stop. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I'm still undecided on who would be the better president: Tommy Lister from "The Fifth Element", or Terry Crews from "Idiocracy". — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I'd never use this Twitter account to openly pander in hope of getting free stuff. Just wanted you to know, people at Garrett's Popcorn. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Four more days 'til I take down the election tree. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Forget everything else today - Text REDCROSS to 90999 to give $10 to much-needed storm relief. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Do you think after all these years the Romneys still laugh over "Tagg, you're it?" — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I sure hope my two kids like the "Hannity & Colmes" Halloween costumes I got them. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
.@RedCross blood banks are running low due to Hurricane #Sandy canceling blood drives. Find a bank here & donate: http://t.co/vfyILNRk — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Here's the 1st official photo from the new Arrested Development on @Netflix. Spoiler alert: I'm an amazing actor: http://t.co/uaNpiFng — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Am I the only one that tests "forever" postage stamps by smothering them with a pillow? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The NFL Network's singing football is so cute! Oh wait that's Cee Lo. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The best perk of being a celebrity? I'm allowed to use 141 characters in my tweets. No, I don't feel like proving it. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Tonight on my show, I do this for charity. I've just been told it's permanent: http://t.co/2gnTKrIR — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
My hair just urged me to run for office. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
A new sperm bank offers the sperm of athletes and rock stars. Finally, athletes and rock stars will be able to have illegitimate children. — PolitiTweet.org
