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Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I will be impressed with a new iPhone camera when I can perform my own colonoscopy. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I’m converting to Judaism so I can be done with the holidays by December 6th. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
When I went to summer camp, there were forced marches and aluminum canoes. Now, there’s zip line roller coasters and quidditch. https://t.co/pfOk236hQr https://t.co/IUHH13rIqi — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
You kids won’t remember this, but back in my day we had to have someone come to our house to tell us what we listened to most on Spotify. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Apparently, being a heavy smoker in the ‘60s could lead to you joining The Beatles. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
If you are a comedy fan, I strongly encourage you to check out Zach Woods' short film, "David," starring the always-hilarious Will Ferrell, @dubjackharper, and Fred Hechinger. https://t.co/1tCDmd3VVI https://t.co/7dqx12AiWX — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
If you are a comedy fan, I strongly encourage you to check out Zach Woods' short film, "David," starring the always-hilarious Will Ferrell, @dubjackharper, and Fred Hechinger. https://t.co/vcgd3nZJ2C — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Still no smash-and-grabs at Edible Arrangements. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
If I hadn't given Ellie Kemper an internship she would be scraping barnacles off of old garbage scows. Hear me force her to agree @ https://t.co/pfOk236hQr https://t.co/PAM2PmUD2b — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I will rise again, like a phoenix that tripped over an extension cord, hurt its shoulder, and then awkwardly stood up. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I teared up watching “The Beatles: Get Back,” because Disney+ no longer has a 30-day free trial. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
You know who’s really upset today? The makers of New Variant beer. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
My fan Emily, who studies clinical psychology, said I'm "too self-aware to be a narcissist." Hear @SonaMov’s profound disappointment. https://t.co/pfOk236hQr https://t.co/BObJnWpJqk — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Before we eat, my father always makes us join hands and debate critical race theory. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Today I’m thankful for my family members who follow me on Twitter. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Check me out on this week’s episode of @HypochondriActor talking to @SeanHayes and @WaliPriyanka about how I laughed in the face of ocular shingles. https://t.co/4DZqbGCM6X https://t.co/VwKxoibQRG — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I’ve got a turkey breast and legs, but the wings and giblets are stuck off the Port of Los Angeles. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
If you start drinking now, Thanksgiving could be a lot of fun. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Whenever I speak with @JohnLithgow, I am immediately happy. Test my theory with our latest conversation @ https://t.co/pfOk236hQr https://t.co/BqTiVQGxZZ — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Now I can finally replace my HTR SO290 accelerometer’s tri-directional 0.2 Hz level shifter by myself. https://t.co/DpHEX1Q5j3 — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
THREE DAYS without any new photos from the Mars Perseverance rover? @NASA has betrayed our nation. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I’ve got a turkey breast and legs, but apparently the wings and giblets are stuck off the Port of Los Angeles. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Talked to skydiving instructor about parachute malfunctions, the worst place to accidentally land, and how she thinks I'd do during a tandem jump. https://t.co/pfOk23nSHZ https://t.co/mlwXC6UFZu — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Free business idea: hourly pea coat rental in Los Angeles. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
My assistant @SonaMov wrote a book about how to be #TheWorldsWorstAssistant while I was paying her to do work she didn't do. Genius. Pre-order the book now @ https://t.co/QnMywRaiEm https://t.co/5aBEhI9I7t — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Apologies for sneezing during this interview, @HowieMandel. https://t.co/pfOk236hQr https://t.co/63OgiCU7HQ — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
One of my writers, @amdubouchet, just released a hilarious album called Poseidon’s Retreat, listen to it here: https://t.co/kA9szNBh2z — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I don't trust politicians because one time Congress told me they would give me a ride to the airport but then never showed up. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I put on my pants like everyone else: Running around screaming as my wife chases me down. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Can't wait to go clubbing and chow down on some pigeon with my new best friend in Cairo. https://t.co/pfOk236hQr https://t.co/ahQHAI8Uay — PolitiTweet.org
