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Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! For your gift I sent you this message in a medium I know you neither receive nor understand. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
My version of a meltdown is spending 5 minutes angrily shouting the word, "chambray" to LL Bean's automated voice recognition system. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
According to a new poll, Kristen Stewart is now the least trusted movie star in America. Movie star? She told me she was a cattle rancher!!! — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Forbes Magazine named Tim Tebow America’s most influential athlete. Just 1 more reason why I always get my sports news from Forbes Magazine. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
YouTube may start charging? I guess cats are sick of working for free. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just downloaded a cool new app that lets me use my phone as a drink coaster. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
No crazy North Korea news in a while. So I guess that's all solved then? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I watched the Kentucky Derby and said to my wife, “All that build up for 2 minutes.” Why did she give me that look? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The more I learn about prunes, ichthyosaurs, and basket-weaving, the more I question my reading habits. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Paparazzi are the worst. Sometimes I give them the exact time and address, and they’re still late. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just saw that movie "Oblivion". Apparently everyone in the future is either really good looking or Morgan Freeman. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Last night I wore undies with @KeshaSuxx's face -- just as the old gypsy predicted: http://t.co/LSvE9CYQGx http://t.co/TdseDO71z0 — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Congratulations to NBA player Jason Collins on being brave enough to admit that he’s a Washington Wizard. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
President Obama and I had so much fun Saturday night, we’re performing next week at the Toledo Funny Bone. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
This supermarket is replaying my White House Correspondents' performance. There is nowhere else to go in showbiz. http://t.co/7utOSefwnl — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just rehearsed my routine to an empty ballroom at the Washington Hilton. The one guy unfolding chairs loved it. http://t.co/SEDqMZNUgG — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just visited the @WhiteHouse press room. Lost my temper and ejected the reporter from the Christian Science Monitor. http://t.co/AADdrPzOPX — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
In D.C. to perform at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. Practicing my opening "Goofy Sunglasses" bit: http://t.co/948FxoLz2N — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
We bring #TheSimpsons writing room to my studio in the latest episode of #SeriousJibberJabber: http://t.co/sfct5mlnM6 — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Scientists claim that half of the world’s languages will be dead by the end of the century. So I learned Klingon for nothing. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
All the living presidents were at the opening of the George W. Bush Presidential Library. Bush demanded to know, "Where's Martin Sheen?" — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I thought auto-erotic asphyxiation was when you strangle your car while you're having sex with it. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Hey @BenFranklin... technically, the first person to be electrocuted discovered electricity. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I’m in the best shape of my life. Just benched twice my birth weight. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just overheard a guy describe his friend as “Conan, if Conan wasn’t ‘Conan.’” Sadly, I know what he means. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Accountant yelling at me about box of Omaha Steaks I sent to each new follower in 2012. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Someone in the Vatican was found downloading porn. He was looking at shocking images of women in positions of leadership. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Congrats to Adam Scott on his incredible and historically significant Masters win! I hope this doesn't mean he's leaving "Parks & Rec". — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
20 years ago today I auditioned for my "Late Night" job. Here's what it looks like when an 11 year old hosts a show: http://t.co/FQQJQMT1Z9 — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just learned that Spotify can’t turn people into dogs. — PolitiTweet.org
