Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just watched the trailer for #PacificRim, and I had a few thoughts: http://t.co/WAIVwbYEgy — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I suffer from the Irish curse - my penis stays out drinking all night. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Baskin was Hall, Robbins was Oates. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

 Just threw my headshot into Steven Spielberg’s convertible from a freeway overpass. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

“One if by land and two if by sea” refers to my bathroom habits on trains and ships. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Had a gerat 4th fo July. Kind f hrd 2 typ w 3 fnigers mssing — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Why didn’t anyone show up to my “Meats of the Third World” barbecue? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Don't mean to brag, but many women say I combine the power and presence of a Mr. Roper with the raw sexual energy of a Mr. Furley. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I think the AAA Motor Club is really a cult that lures people in with friendly service, reasonable rates, and convenient locations. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Watch @DeonCole's Black Box tonight on TBS just before my show. He's my brother from another mother. But the same father. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I assume 'Escape Plan' is about Stallone and Schwarzenegger trying to escape their speech coaches. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Queen Elizabeth is getting a raise, after she played hardball by threatening to take her waving and weak smiles elsewhere. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Until Vladimir Putin agrees to return Snowden to the U.S., I’m holding onto these sweet babies: http://t.co/Xq874Moi8W Your move, Vladimir. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I hope the NFL takes steps to bring its Player Murder Rate back down to acceptable levels. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Hey Supreme Court, where were you 17 years ago, when I wanted to elope with Bill Pullman? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

TMZ and babies both derive their life-sustenance from nip-slips. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Whatever we think the future will be, let’s all agree right now to never wear those tight silvery unitards. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’ve found that “So, are any of you losers verified on Twitter?” is not a great icebreaker at dinner parties. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Over the loudspeaker, the pilot just introduced his co-pilot and his designated driver. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Experiencing “Game of Thrones” withdrawal. Maybe if I’m lucky there will be a bunch of murders on this “Spongebob” rerun I’m watching. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

The CEO of Men’s Warehouse was fired. He’s filing a suit, an inexpensive, not very stylish suit. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just found out that “amazeballs” is a new, hip word and not just my Confirmation name. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Two things: Comedy is about being relatable and also, I’m tired of the interns not saluting me. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just saw this ad in Paris. This explains what Haagen-Dazs meant when they told me they were "going another way." http://t.co/SAnypC1X5U — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My kids bought me a “World’s Greatest Dad” mug at the Sarcastic store. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’m sorry to hear about Vladimir Putin’s divorce, but I’m happy to have my drinking buddy back. Call me, Mrs. Putin! — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I hope the government wasn’t spying on iPhones, or they’re going to have millions of records of people saying, “Sorry, you’re cutting out.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

RT @TeamCoco: "Hey, I'm really mastering this Vine thing." - @ConanOBrien #OneVineDay https://t.co/RdRaaexr2d — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Government collecting data from our cell phones? No wonder @BarackObama always beats me at Words with Friends. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Well, well, well. Two can play at this game. I just started following the @NSA. — PolitiTweet.org