Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Of all the thrills of my career, getting to style @Beyonce’s hair is way up there: http://t.co/dgXft2j32l — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

32 other countries have a greater life expectancy than the U.S. This is due to obesity, smoking and the NFL. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Has anyone else noticed the Royal Baby still isn't speaking to the media? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Confession time. Since 1997, I’ve been writing a children’s book series under the pseudonym “JK Rowling.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

President Obama said he’s urging his daughters not to get caught up trying to act like celebrities. He’s particularly worried about Sa$ha. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Not looking forward to the next Wolverine movie, where he fights his ultimate nemesis: “The Blackboard.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

A new study finds coffee drinkers are 50% less likely to commit suicide. Just wait until the debut of Starbucks’ new “Sylvia Plathaccino.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

This new Pope seems kind of cool, but I’ll reserve judgment until I see his set at Lollapalooza. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Last weekend, a German woman gave birth to a 13.47 lb baby. Doctors say the mom is resting comfortably and the baby is invading Poland. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

The Army says it plans to start using lead-free, eco-friendly bullets. Also, unmanned drones will notify their presence with smooth jazz. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I was surfing the internet yesterday, when I was struck with a horrible vision of our future: http://t.co/mhdze8EtGp — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

The United States…….. is………ranked………….9th ………in the……….world for…………………… Internet speed. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

So, the CEO of Google has a $15 million sex penthouse? That’s nothing compared to my $20 a month sex P.O. Box. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just saw Val Kilmer as Mark Twain at the Kirk Douglas Theatre. He is so funny and fantastic I am bitterly jealous. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Anthony Weiner said, “More will come out.” Just how long is this guy’s penis? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Wow, Slayer’s “Raining Blood” sure sounds less sinister on a banjo. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Help kill the television industry - subscribe to my Youtube channel today! http://t.co/DGdn2nOf5p — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just got out of a traffic ticket with tickets to the show. Luckily, that cop loves “Ellen”. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Any Walmart can be a cool, smoky jazz bar if you bring your own jazz band and smoke machine. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Someone please take an Instagram of this Tweet and then Vine about it. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I can’t decide: should I see Pacific Rim tonight, or just put a garbage can on my head and smash it with a hammer for 90 minutes? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Do I tweet my dream about Boy George, or save it for therapy? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I can no longer stay silent - The screen-saver sketch of Emily Dickinson on my Kindle looks exactly like Sarah Silverman. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Kinda surprised more guys don't ask me for workout tips. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just picked up a DIY MRI from CVS. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Meditated for 15 minutes this morning - your sarcastic Reply and ironic Retweet can’t hurt me. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I seriously cannot believe that Bastille Day lands in the middle of Ramadan AGAIN. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

When @JustinBieber pees in a mop bucket, it’s national news. When I do it, I just get kicked out of Home Depot. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I didn't watch "Sharknado”. It conflicted with my DVR taping of "ClamQuake." — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

It’s been a few years, so I’m just wondering: is it still hard out there for a pimp? — PolitiTweet.org