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Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
.@Snooki is going to be on the new season of Dancing With The Stars. Question: Can Time Warner get into a fight with ABC this Fall? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
"Orange is The New Black" is proof that I wouldn't survive five minutes in a minimum security women's correctional facility. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I dread the inevitable video where old people are twerking. You know it's coming. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Talked to the guy in charge of milk expiration dates. He said he just uses relatives’ birthdays. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Happy birthday to Turkish footballer Hakan Şükür! #didntevenneedwikipedia — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Hey, small child in China in charge of my Twitter account, don’t tweet this yet. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Finally reached “Premier Elite Executive Diamond Platinum My Life Is Empty” status on American Airlines. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I don’t want to tell anyone how to run their company, but how come I can’t walk into a @Starbucks and order a venti Guinnessacino? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I’m at high risk of being victimized by revenge porn, just as soon as I can convince someone to shoot me doing porn. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
There’s misplaced cockiness, and then there’s this guy: http://t.co/PXqFsJP75T — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I understand Miley’s VMA performance. I’ve missed dozens of NFL games because my foam hand and I never made it out of the bedroom. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
On this day, The Seljuk Turks defeated the Byzantine Army at Manzikert. #didntevenneedwikipedia — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
.@HuffingtonPost is set to ban anonymous comments. I guess "SexxxyGingerNotConanOBrien" will have to move on to greener pastures. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Ladies: Looking for a married man who’s totally committed to his wife & only allowed to talk to other women via tweets? I’m your man. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Remember: it’s never too late to become a child prodigy. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Want to meet the coolest waitress in the world? Her name is Serena and she's at The Elysian Brewing Co on East Pike Street in Seattle. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
A new study says it costs $241,000 to raise a child to age 18. However, that's mostly due to the candy cigarette tax. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Elon Musk's hyperloop is happening, and Marge can do nothing to stop it. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Christian Bale has been offered $50 million to play Batman. Save your money, Hollywood, I’ll do it for $40 million! — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Shout out to Gaius Julius Caesar Octavianus, who on this day in 43 B.C., compelled the Senate to elect him Consul. #didntevenneedwikipedia — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Apparently, Mayor Filner sexually harassed a great-grandmother. Today, Filner said, "You can call me sexist, but you can't call me ageist." — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Ha ha, this doorstop is shaped like a Blackberry. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Building a Hyper Loop to get me out of this family reunion. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
No matter how many Back to School sales I scope out, I can’t seem to find one decent “Breaking Bad” lunch box. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
This week, John McCain was called in for jury duty. McCain hasn’t served on a jury since the landmark case of “Man v. Fire.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just bought Detroit on Etsy. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Justin Bieber was involved in another all-out brawl. This one with Brownie Troop #152. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Netflix pulled a Star Trek film after complaints about incorrect Vulcan subtitles. Also, allegations of completely fake words like “vagina.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Obama turned down a role in Oprah’s movie “The Butler.” Instead, Oprah had to go with her second choice, German Chancellor Angela Merkel. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Does anyone know if those metal exoskeletons from “Elysium” are available at Sharper Image? — PolitiTweet.org
