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Showing page 129 of 180.
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Whenever my children call me "Father," I feel like I'm about to be murdered, in black and white. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just took one of those “Which Movie Character Are You?” quizzes and found out I’m the plastic bag from American Beauty. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
How much does Ira Glass charge to narrate a sex tape? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
A new study shows on average, men’s brains are larger than women’s. But the extra space is filled entirely with barbecue sauce. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Watching that new Irish hoarding show, where they clean out a man’s lifetime accumulation of slights, rebuffs and resentments. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Tonight I fanboy out with @MelBrooks about one of my comedy heroes, Sid Caesar. Also, I make an apology for using the phrase "fanboy out." — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
.@sethmeyers That's not a janitor's closet, that was my dressing room. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
As the only man alive who’s hosted The Tonight Show & Late Night, I want to congratulate @JimmyFallon & @SethMeyers. They’ll both do great! — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Wow. Strippers get angry if you make it rain Bitcoins. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
A prehistoric village has been unearthed in Miami. Experts say the indigenous people ate fish and small game at around 4 in the afternoon. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
A survey found that, on Valentine’s Day, men spend $87.00 more than women. I.e., a survey found that, on Valentine’s Day, men spend $87.00. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Saw this Sid Caesar sketch when I was a kid. It made me want to make people laugh: http://t.co/Cm9UNBodP8 — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I’d like to retire somewhere warm, like Sochi. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I just found out the “L” in Samuel L. Jackson stands for Laurence Fishburne. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Still no interest in a reunion of my old Irish-American boy band, Pale By Comparison. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Americans now read Facebook more than the Bible. I guess nobody wants to read about a guy who could only come up with 12 friends. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I love to go up to Spanish people and say, “any FLANS for the weekend?” They love that. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Still holding out hope that "Blending In With a White Wall" will become an Olympic event. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Can't wait til Sunday to see the cast of @WalkingDead_AMC? Watch #CONAN tonight. Spoiler alert: I eat two of them. http://t.co/xvQ4GlMdEl — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Here I am getting my usual pre-show facial for the cast of @WalkingDead_AMC on #CONAN tonight: http://t.co/kxwinml1r1 — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Watching luge always makes me want to go outside and not luge. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just read a study claiming dogs can feel love, which is yet another way dogs are superior to cats. And comedians. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
After seeing that commercial with the horse & puppy, my kids wouldn’t stop bugging me. So I caved and bought them a case of Bud. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Download the #NewU2Song 'Invisible' for FREE now and $1 goes to support @RED's fight against AIDS. http://t.co/B55BEqDKWM #U2Invisible — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
My Super Bowl tradition? Watching the game at a Hampton Inn with a drifter. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
A bridal shop is now using female mannequins that have back fat. They’re right next to the male mannequins that have second thoughts. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
It's the return of Puppy Conan. His wig looks better than mine. http://t.co/PsR3iROusK — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Queen Elizabeth is in financial trouble. How do you go broke when your face is on the money? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
At this time, Eva Mendes and I ask for privacy about our burgeoning relationship. Thank you. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Anyone else still quietly mutter “choo-choo” when they bring their fork to their mouth? Me neither. — PolitiTweet.org
