Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

We need to deal with Putin once and for all... Send over our sharpest improv team. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I think what pushed Fred Phelps over the edge was the opening of "300: Rise of an Empire." — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Fun fact about me: when I panic, my voice pitches down to a smooth mellow baritone. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’m lovin’ my new Treadmill Bed! — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just Googled 47 products I would never buy, just to see how fast ads for them pop up on my Facebook page. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Terrible climate, centuries of oppression, and the gene for alcoholism. Or as I call it, “The luck of the Irish.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Everybody is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day, which must make it a living hell for Irish Immigration officials. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

So sad to hear David Brenner passed. He was a frequent & always hilarious guest on my Late Night show. He will be missed. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Do you think Putin just misunderstood the term “March Madness”? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

An artist puking on @LadyGaga is national news, but no one cares that I drooled on @SofiaVergara? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Wife really wants to see “300: Rise of an Empire.” Doesn’t she know those hunky actors are playing fast and loose with historical facts? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Taken right before @AaronPaul_8 taught me how to tie a tie: http://t.co/WxxTAPOJ5O — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Forbes released the list of the richest billionaires. Kinda makes you feel bad for the poorest billionaires. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Massachusetts just banned upskirting. So I guess I won’t be coming home for Easter after all. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I want to make sure I win if I'm ever on "Celebrity Jeopardy." http://t.co/T7x6IrzB7K — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Sunday was Daylight Savings Time, so I gained an hour of sunscreen. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Driving near Fort Worth, Texas. Best slogan ever for a restaurant: http://t.co/N71bM13BVY — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I would love to write “As Seen On PBS’s Antiques Roadshow” next to this convenience store hot dog. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My son asked me what happens when you die, and I said, “I’m watching Chopped, just google it.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'm excited to host the MTV #MovieAwards on 4/13! I was going to say no, but @Harry_Styles begged me. Please don't ask him to confirm this. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Pope Francis's humility reminds me so much of my own. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I just found out my autocorrect has been programmed by John Travolta. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’d like to think I’m the Meryl Streep of spilling dip at Oscar parties. #Oscars2014 — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My guests next week are James Spader, Bill Hader, Ralph Nader, and Darth Vader. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Please watch the first-ever @WhiteHouse Student Film Fest @ 3:30 ET: http://t.co/pzz6rtlbRW. I don't need another audit. #WHFilmFest — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just took the kids to see Philomena in 3D. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I can’t drink Muscle Milk anymore because I discovered my body is muscle intolerant. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

We’re going to Dallas in late March. I’ll show those women what big hair is all about. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I find all my best babysitters on Tinder. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just once in my life, I’d like to know the sweet satisfaction of finishing a tube of ChapStick. — PolitiTweet.org