Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I always thought that “Irish step dancing” should be called “Irish, stop dancing.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Sure, the Silver Surfer is a cool comic book character, but I prefer the Pewter Boogie Boarder. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

To save time I’m combining two tweets. Sure, if you like tomatoes, that is! — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Why do we put all this pressure on clouds to look like other things? Let’s let clouds be clouds! — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My Golden Retriever sure loves his new fedora and shades from Douchebag Dogs. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

DON¹T watch "The 4th of Julie", it is NOT about our country's independence. Deleting browser history now. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I buy all my flags on July 5th. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My favorite song about a haunted concierge desk would probably have to be “Hotel California.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Why do assumptions always require you to “work under” them? I’d rather “play over” them! (Conan hits send, has phone taken away by nurse) — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'm going to miss the World Cup when it's over. It¹ll be hard to go into a bar & not hear people yelling about something I don¹t understand. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My kids have really been inspired by this year's World Cup.  My son just bit our dog. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

IKEA is giving its US workers a raise. The CEO said, "We want IKEA workers to stick around longer than IKEA products." — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just read an alarming statistic: by the age of four, the average child has already seen over 3,000 hours of GEICO commercials. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Optimists own garbage cans. Pessimists own garbage can’ts. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I hope the new "Scooby-Doo" reboot is a dark, gritty exploration of Scooby's homicidal anger towards Scrappy-Doo. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

It’s hard to believe that Los Angeles was settled in 1956 by the Dutch. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Hanging out with Ice-T (@FinalLevel), eating froyo, like a pair of bad motherf**kers. http://t.co/25XK5agtRL — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’m halfway through Hillary Clinton’s book. I don’t want to ruin the ending but I bet she kills this guy “Bill.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

A tie score doesn't feel right. Who do I taunt? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My Ghanaian friends are still not talking to me. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

.@GroverNorquist Right on all counts, Grover. And Warren Harding kicked the Spanish Flu's ass. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Thanks to #CONANHAIR, now we finally know what my love child with @IceCube will look like: https://t.co/n2F9kdFy7P — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

.@GroverNorquist Sorry, Soviet Union technically happened under G.H.W. Bush. But I'll give you Gaddafi's tent. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Grover Norquist wants to rename the Redskins, the “Washington Reagans.” So they’ll at least be able to beat Grenada. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

.@KevinHart4Real and I are ready to star in a reboot of "Lethal Weapon." (I'm Murtaugh) http://t.co/JPVgPi5SE2 — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Still no luck starting this new scooter powered exclusively by Kanye West’s humility. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I sure hope the paparazzi got a flattering shot of me eating dry Cheerios in that T.J. Maxx parking lot. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Today we settle our age old feud with Ghana. Let's go #USMNT! http://t.co/yxQ6hEFPdT #WorldCup2014 — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

For Father’s Day, I’m going to bring a smile to my Dad’s face by calling him and pretending to be one of my other brothers. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Guys named Guy must hate it when people pronounce their name guy. — PolitiTweet.org