Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Tonight on #CONAN I play @CallofDuty: #AdvancedWarfare. Watch and become erect. http://t.co/jdqPNNmji5 — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Let’s just agree any group of 3 or more handsome British men should be referred to as a “cumberbatch.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

It’s November 1st, which means today America’s trash cans are filled with thousands of unopened Fun-Size Almond Joys. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

To be clear, I’m dressed as Hello Kitty for Hello Kitty Con, NOT Halloween. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just called my broker and told him to buy 300 shares of Neil Patrick Harris. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Massachusetts was just named the most liberal state. Researchers almost picked California, but then they stopped for gas in Bakersfield. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Tonight Ashton Kutcher talks about my two favorite topics: fatherhood and Charlie Sheen. http://t.co/SMAhxETYBP — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

As if there weren’t already enough reasons to hate Ebola, I hear it also smokes e-cigarettes. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Kenny G has angered all of China, yet no one is telling him to “stick to music.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Personally, I think America is ready for a woman to scale the White House fence. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'm honored to be mentioned in Harvard President Faust's speech today about making the #CaseForCollege: http://t.co/rKzdVY15LL — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Damn - Whenever I go toe to toe with @Madeleine Albright, she always wins. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

.@Madeleine YES - My first twitter war with a former Secretary of State! You're next, George P. Shultz! — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I picked out my Halloween costume. I’m going as “Slutty Madeleine Albright.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Every once in a while, just for fun, I mail an Eviction Notice to @WarrenBuffett. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My imaginary friend grew up to become my imaginary strength and conditioning coach — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I love autumn in L.A., when the colors change on the Fire Danger signs. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

The average Netflix user streams 46 hours a month. And the average senior citizen, 8 times a night. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I asked nicely, but the DMV won’t change the hair color on my driver’s license to “pumpkin spice.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

There’s now a hybrid Lamborghini for environmentally-conscious men with small penises. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’m pretty sure when the umpires say they’re going to look at the replay, they’re watching cat videos. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Am I the only one who realized that “Frozen” was just an allegory for the U.S. leaving the gold standard in 1933? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My lifelong dream of having interlocking feet and claw hands is finally coming true: http://t.co/hfI1X9JgA9 #LEGOBatman3 — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Tonight I’m on #TheTalkingDead, which makes up for never getting to be on #TheWalkingDead (I was up for the part of Carl). — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

When the freeway lanes leaving LA are blocked, and the lanes going into town are empty, then, yes, I do scan the horizon for monsters. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Earthquakes seem to know when my dog is about to freak out. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

A 5-year old in California tested positive for cocaine. His parents became suspicious when he asked for “a kilo of ice cream.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My neighbors criticized me for putting a pumpkin out too soon. I had to tell them that was just me looking out the window. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just received my invitation to George Clooney’s wedding…. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

If the news gets any worse, the home page of Drudge Report is just going to be a giant skull on fire. — PolitiTweet.org