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Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancée by the way he hasn’t murdered her. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Still eating, mostly because that grass-fed turkey from Colorado gave me the munchies. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The Greatest Generation stormed Normandy so that today, we could storm Target. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I granted my turkey a last request, so now I've got to wait while it watches the entire run of "Breaking Bad." — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I wonder if sales of Butterball turkeys would be as high if they'd used the name MargarineOrb. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
My wife told me a turducken was as close to a threesome as I’m ever going to get. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Stopped at a quaint Diner in a small town in rural Connecticut. This photo is in the Men's room. Why?? http://t.co/y5B5r5dRZU — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I’ve been working out and now have the strength of ten men. And they’re all Regis Philbin. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Who has less-recognizable names? New Republican Congressmen or former Arena Football players? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
In preparation for Thanksgiving, I¹m going to swallow an SUV’s airbag and then run into a wall. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just read that Jaden and Willow Smith interview to my dog, and he looks less confused than I am. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I took emotional Vulcan Jordan Schlansky coffee tasting. Watch the life drain from my eyes in the first minute: http://t.co/ADI00JKtKQ — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
A 10-second kiss can transfer 80 million bacteria, my wife told me as we shook hands. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I just joined the Mile High Club for people who tweet on the toilet. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
These days HD is so good, when you watch an NFL game you can see the murder evidence. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I’m grateful for those Kim Kardashian nude photos, because they reminded me to check my car’s oil. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just saw my Thanksgiving turkey playing beach volleyball in Malibu. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Fight muscular dystrophy! Text CD10 to 50555 to donate $10 to http://t.co/zJyYyH1Xoc & share your pic. #CureDuchenne http://t.co/yE7IaeJ1eA — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
My new 3D printer not only prints food, but also some really rude waiters. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Check out my cinematic badass tribute to @SonsOfAnarchy. Ladies, If you're allergic to orgasms, do not click: http://t.co/3bNtFatjPj — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I'm talking to the cast of @SonsOfAnarchy tonight. I haven't been with this many men in black leather since every time my wife leaves town. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Tonight on #CONAN I play #AssassinsCreed Unity, or as I prefer to think of it, "Super Violent Les Miz Roleplay." http://t.co/bsSU23n4Dm — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
NPR just told me I'm the murderer in the next "Serial" podcast. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
So embarrassed - my wife walked in while I was watching that video on how McRibs are made. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I guess we can finally put an end to the rumors that I killed Bin Laden. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
It’s too bad. Conan Cumberbatch had a nice ring to it. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Take a @Stand4Heroes & help support our injured service members: http://t.co/PqhuKu1djN #Stand4Heroes — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Martin Short's terrific new book is out today. I'm mentioned in the chapter "Punks Who Ripped Me Off." — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
RT @AndyRichter "URGENT: #GoVote #GoVote #GoVote http://t.co/YnVOAAoEA9" http://t.co/BsRhRPJS4Z — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I just voted, and now I look to the horizon with confidence: http://t.co/EXgrW4jdTY — PolitiTweet.org
