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Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
As much as I love the theme music from the Serial podcast, it really killed the vibe at my Zumba class. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I love seeing the look on my kids’ faces on Christmas morning when I tell them we’re Hindu. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature felt like pronouncing “it was” as two words. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Got all my Christmas shopping done. Now to shop for other people. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Didn't know you could squeeze up to 3 ounces of liquor out of a department store Santa's beard. Thanks, Martha Stewart! — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
My wife wants our Christmas gifts to be handmade this year, so I carved her a Radio Shack gift card. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
All I want for Christmas is a cat-fight between Flo the Progressive Lady and Lily the AT&T Lady. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I’m pretty sure I saw this department store Santa in an old episode of “Dateline.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Crossed Kim Jong-un off my Christmas list. You have to take a stand somewhere. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
My father-in-law just found out I’m that “Conan O’Brien.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Tonight I hang w/@IceCube & @KevinHart4Real, get drunk with dolls, & blow up a strip club on my TBS primetime special "#CONAN To Go". 10/9c. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
“Unbroken” was the original title for “The Human Centipede.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Today I saw a truck carrying Viagra. And get this, it was a semi. By the way - no charge for that tweet. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Did they really get a guy named “Christian” to play Moses? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Star Wars’ producers revealed the names of their new characters. One of them is Charles Schwab. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I hope North Korean hackers don’t release the embarrassing emails I sent to Andy, slavishly praising our new boss Kevin Reilly. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Don't tell anyone, but I got my father-in-law this @thirdmanrecords album: http://t.co/CmWsdXg4l3. It sure beats last year's gel insoles. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Tired of the weird looks I get whenever I pronounce the “t” in Christmas. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I work out, I eat right - I don’t understand why I’m developing breasts! Wait, am I not texting my doctor right now? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
My high school marching band will regret cutting me from color guard after they see @FWong & me in #YouTubeRewind: http://t.co/5ql0soD9hQ — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I’m what’s known as a “Tiger Dad.” If my kids don’t get straight As, I threaten to practice the violin. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Once again, missed the Fantasy Football playoffs. That’s what I get for drafting all kickers. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I had a hunch China had passed America as the #1 economy when they started making all our “America is #1” hats. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Can’t believe I didn’t get a Grammy nomination for my jazz album, “Ginger Odysseys, Vol. 9.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Sorry about that, my son said he was just going to use my phone to play Angry Birds. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Butt butt butt. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
It just hit me: if they are real, we are stepping in piles and piles of ghost dung. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
As we get closer and closer to the end of this tweet, I think it's important that we lower our expectations. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I'm gonna get a bunch of #CyberMonday deals as soon as this thing boots up. http://t.co/f1DakGBVMI — PolitiTweet.org
