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Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Happy #CincoDeMayo! It’s a holiday that’s as respectful of Mexican traditions as Epcot Center’s Mexican food pavilion. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
If it weren't for #StarWarsDay I don't think anyone would be talking about Star Wars on the internet today. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
With so much great television right now, there’s never been a better time to be bed-ridden. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24-36 hours. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Carefully read my essay on David Letterman. There will be a test in an hour. http://t.co/KwUKXiuBJs — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
One of the best pieces of wisdom I’ve ever received: Never buy a steak out of someone’s backpack. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just saw the red band trailer for Minions – cute, but a few too many f-bombs for me. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The new Mad Max was filmed in an arid wasteland. Glad to see movie production coming back to California! — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
To help those in #NEPAL affected by the #NepalEarthquake tragedy, please donate to @RedCross here: http://t.co/HSfA32c9Zw — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Never thought my wife & I'd be buying diapers again, but sometimes God gives you a cousin who has to skip town and leaves a monkey behind. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
God would have created the Earth in just 1 day, but first He decided to “just check” Facebook. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Last year, complaints about airlines increased 22%. There were probably more complaints, but the airlines lost them. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I think Hillary has spent too much time in New York. She keeps referring to the Iowa Caucus as the “Iowa Tuchus.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
In honor of Earth Day, I’m recycling my tweets. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Last chance to enter the "Be Drawn Into an Episode of The Simpsons" contest! http://t.co/4jwjKHnHyW #autismschools — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The set of “Sesame Street” is being updated to reflect the modern times. Now everyone is going to live in a trash can. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Marco Rubio opposes gay marriage. He says every religion he’s joined is against it. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
This 4/20, watch @WillieNelson & @MerleHaggard's new song, “It's All Going To Pot.” It's about kitchenware, right? http://t.co/i1fMNIO7Nc — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Of all the candidates jumping into the Republican primary, my money’s on Stannis Baratheon. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I wish one of my writers would focus on making my show funnier instead of tweeting stupid things about the state of late night comedy. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
My son wants to play football. I say he goes to prison now and cuts out the middle man. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The ex-governor of Rhode Island is running for president. You know what they say, “As Rhode Island goes so goes one county in Connecticut.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
“My rifle is wet. It is hot in this boat.” <<<< Sorry, everyone, my Twitter feed got hijacked by Somali pirates. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
.@LindseyGrahamSC I'll do whatever you want. Just don't send Doug Stamper. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The President of Armenia met with the Kardashians. He asked them to change their name to “O’Malley.” — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Rand Paul is an ophthalmologist who supports legalizing marijuana, making him the only candidate pro 20/20 and 4/20. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
.@HillaryClinton announced she is running for president. Man, I did not see that coming. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The top 15 GOP presidential hopefuls own at least 40 guns among them. If they don't win, they can still make their own Expendables movie. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Whose ass do I have to kiss to get in the new Human Centipede movie. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Can’t wait to say “hold on - scrolling,” when someone asks me for the time on my Apple Watch. — PolitiTweet.org
