Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Physically-speaking, I'm like a young Arnold Schwarzenegger. I mean really young, like five or six. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Sure, those "Magic Mike" guys look impressive, but remember the camera adds 4 abs. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Hockey phenom Connor McDavid is being called The New Gretzky. Current Gretzky must now be called The Old Gretzky or The New McDavid. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Tonight I made @MoneyLynch's end zone @Skittles dream come true: http://t.co/UIKIYi3g0W — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Worked out with kettlebells this morning and didn’t get arrested. What am I doing wrong? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

We may be taking the Confederate Flag thing too far. Just saw a history book say the Civil War began when the Union was fired on by REDACTED — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’m so happy with the SCOTUS ruling, I could kiss a man, then move in with him, start a family and eventually leave him for a younger man. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

The NBA draft is underway. Can't wait to see who wants a 6' 4" white guy with a vertical leap of 4 inches. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

With “Game of Thrones” over, now I spend Sunday nights imagining my favorite characters on other shows getting killed. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Is there anything more delicious than unsweetened… ah, just kidding. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My favorite channel on Sirius XM Radio is probably Mao Zedong Speeches 24/7. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

For Father’s Day my wife and kids gave me my very own Republican presidential candidate. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Hillary Clinton’s Spanish language website is reportedly full of mistakes. And Rick Perry’s Spanish language website is... A TRAP! — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’m tempted to vote for Donald Trump just to hear the phrase “Secretary of State Gary Busey.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

A porn site is planning to make the first adult film in space. It’ll be called “Enter Stella.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Right now, someone you love is reading a ranking of cheeseburgers in their region. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Want a nerdgasm? Watch @AndyRichter & I play the cast of @SiliconHBO in #Halo5Guardians: http://t.co/HDjCjNhwPU #CluelessGamer — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Tonight I battle the cast of @SiliconHBO with a pirated copy of #Halo5Guardians. Let the lawsuits begin! TBS 11/10c #CluelessGamer — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I hope whoever stole that advance copy of the new “Fifty Shades of Grey” sequel doesn’t get the punishment they deserve. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Went on a very preliminary prototype “Jurassic World” ride. It was just a shopping cart and some Bose speakers. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

"It's the thought that counts" is what I would tell my Little League coach every time I struck out. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'm moderating the #MockingjayPart2 & #LastWitchHunter #SDCC panel on 7/9. Don't worry, Katniss. I've got this. http://t.co/zhwVP4MPMb — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

So many useless new gadgets coming out every day. Is it too much to ask for a simple set of sturdy nail clippers with reliable Wi-Fi? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Research suggests that chimpanzees have the ability to cook, but the really advanced ones prefer take out. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Ben & Jerry’s released a new flavor to raise awareness about climate change. The irony is that it tastes much better melted. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

A House panel has voted to repeal two pieces of ObamaCare. Specifically the words “Obama” and “Care.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I saw the Entourage movie and the guy sitting behind me complained that I wouldn’t put on my fedora. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Rick Perry is running for president. He’s hoping with so many candidates people will forget that he’s THAT Rick Perry. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Some people think it’s weird that I maintain full, uninterrupted eye contact while my dog humps my leg. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Hey can someone send me an Oculus Rift VR headset? I finally want to try parasailing. — PolitiTweet.org