Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Not only do I hate the phrase, "YOU DO YOU, BRO," but I wrote it in such large letters that I now can't even see myself in this mirror. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

*****************No two snowflakes are alike, huh?******************* — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Does anyone know if I can return a $450,000 hovercraft without a receipt? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Idea: fracking, but for eggnog. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

‘twas the night after Christmas, and all through the house, man I’m freakin’ drunk. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'm not sure which religion it is, but my neighbors celebrate Christmas by placing all of the husband's belongings on the front lawn. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Can we all agree that the person who first thought of dangling long, fuzzy socks over a fireplace was an arsonist? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Help me settle an argument- was there a reindeer named Saul? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

To people who write Xmas: Jesus X, what’s wrong with you? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My thoughts on mistletoe? "Be a man and kiss under a loose beam during an earthquake." — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

What do you get for the person who has everything? Socks. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I feel really silly dressed up as a Stormtrooper in line to see “Brooklyn.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

It’s true the new “Star Wars” makes you feel like a 10-year-old kid again. I had to rush out of a screening to go home and wet the bed. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Before I interview the cast of #TheForceAwakens, watch my #ConanStarWars cold open. I play a real galactic dick. https://t.co/KyB43qhhbq — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Harrison Ford breaking Jordan Schlansky's heart is the best Christmas gift I could ask for. https://t.co/hP598azgbb #ConanStarWars — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

In line to visit Santa Claus, and the kid ahead of us just told Santa he only wants one thing for Christmas: "the goddamn truth." — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

‘Tis the season to Google Image random stuff. https://t.co/b1eOQtMdUC — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Remember how Mitt Romney strapped a dog to the roof of his car? That seems quaint now. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Fun party hosting tip: Put dozens of extra coats on the bed. When guests ask where everyone else is, laugh maniacally & change the subject. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Not a good day. Just learned that not only did I not get a Golden Globe nomination for my role in "Trumbo," apparently I'm not even in it. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

‘Tis the season to contemplate how much time you’re saving by saying ‘tis. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I just learned that "Machu Picchu" is Incan for "Overpriced Key Chains." — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Twitter is still my number one source of Barry Bostwick news. #BarryBostwick — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Why is this time of year magical? We all receive meat catalogs. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Let’s stop for a second and realize: the other reindeer were dicks. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

If you like a tweet with a surprise ending cannibalism. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

After months of practice, I can finally touch my toes. (By telling them that they are beautiful.) — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I remember the good old days when a movie poster could just be a movie poster without having to sell out and advertise an upcoming movie. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

When my wife and I argue, she's the one who sleeps on the couch - Greg Couch, our next door neighbor. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’m excited to be part of CGI U 2016, hosted by President & Chelsea Clinton. The deadline to apply is Friday! Go to https://t.co/wsIgBYBZtf — PolitiTweet.org