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Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Family vacation checklist: Freebird, dirty feet, crazy-ass hair; we actually might be hillbillies. Also, neck bones and gravy for dinner. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
RT @herbadmother: Dear Earth: Pls do not destroy New York before I move there. Also, after I move there. And maybe also leave everywhere ... — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@AllanaHarkin I literally ordered two giant sacks of them and ate them as ice cream toppers. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
'When are children old enough to change their own diapers' and other questions that should never be asked... http://t.co/xal9wV5 — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Pleased to learn that Barbie now avail with washer/dryer or toilet. So aspirational! I hope one day *I* get to do load after load of laundry — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@timcarvell It's supposed to distract you from the fact that your actual pilot is Jimmy Buffett. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Thank you everyone for your pagan-baby-go-to-sleep-wizardry. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
http://t.co/LyAO5g7 — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@rayclone ha! — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Needed: magical incantation that makes a baby nap for 2 hours. Timeline: immediate. Name your price. Nothing too kinky please. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
http://t.co/s6FIOFy Wow. Those commenters. Should I 'shame eat' a row of Fudgee-O's, or just eat them because I love the taste of lard? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@PBS @hodgman @pbs Weirded out that Twitter considers @iamsambee "similar to @ChuckSchumer" — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@mattywatts I like you. They should make a television show about you. Oh. Wait... — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Weird. A check made out to Johnny Depp was sent to me accidentally today. I can't think of a single thing to do with it that isn't creepy. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@maryscottpants Ha! I really couldn't blame them — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@biggayicecream Can you drive to my house and feed me salty pimps all day? I'm into you. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Go and see The Zookeeper immediately. Here's why: http://t.co/4qyqsaL — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@herbadmother I prefer to fight my way out of a cake naked, as the Lord intended. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@herbadmother I'd like someone to bake me into a giant boozy chocolate cake that I will have to eat my way out of to survive. Care to join? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@hvbabywilltrvl thank you for that! — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@mattywatts Hey you. It's me. Look at us. Let's tweet and re-tweet each other constantly until we cease to exist. xo — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@204Lady whatever it is--I want some — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@gebarthhh Awwww! Look at us--making each other's weeks...thank you — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@LindsayCrystal Fine, Jesus--I'll do it. I'm wearing a lot of layers though so it's going to take a little time. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Just tried on my friend's Five Fingers shoes, and then immediately decided to divorce my own feet. So sad. I used to like walking. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
RT @PatMasterson9: @iamsambee They don't go IN sisters, they go ON everybody, if you had one you would know that — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
http://t.co/ed5hiBs @AllanaHarkin and I are going to get scurvy if we don't start taking better care of ourselves. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
RT @AllanaHarkin: "Eating Over The Sink" with myself and @iamsambee now has a sparkly facebook page: http://t.co/yGYYGwf — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
When the hyper-intelligent apes take over, I pray that they are able to restore order to this Whole Foods checkout line. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@irincarmon Oh--hello there, you — PolitiTweet.org
