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Showing page 209 of 211.
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Join my March to Keep Fear Alive, Washington Mall, Oct. 30! Be there or be scared! Actually be there AND be scared! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Of all the calls I’ve gotten on the Atone Phone, not one has apologized for klezmer music. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
What’s that movie where the terrorists want Bruce Willis to die but he’s making it very hard? Now I’ll never get to sleep. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Judging by his mustache, I am worried that Terry Jones is suffering from late-stage Hulkamania. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
We must stop the ground zero mosque. It'd give Muslims dangerous access to deals on toner cartridges at the Staples down the street! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Oops! I always thought PETA stood for Please Eat This Animal. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Our basketball team beat Turkey for the world championship. I believe that means Turkey inherits our debt. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I've got a case of the Mondays. Either that, or I ate some bad dove. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I’m taking Chocolate Finger’s lead and cornering a market. I won’t tell you which, but soon you can call me Chicken Fingers. Bwah Wah Wah! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
At least I didn't bubble when being microwaved, since I had the foresight to poke holes in myself with a fork. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Remember: Everyone makes mistakes. So if you haven't already apologized to me, you soon will. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
What a week! Troops! The Vice-President! John Legend! I can't believe my elaborate ploy to get a Toto toilet worked! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Can't believe Petraeus made an appearance on the show. Some people will do any lifetime of military service to get on TV. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I believe Sexy Hotdog Man was cobbled together from hooves and lips of other mascots. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Had to rappel in today - yesterday we had a little mishap with the tank. Sidenote: the brakes on those things are so mushy! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The unedited version of the biden interview lasted 28 hours. That guy can talk. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight, I welcome the troops home for an all-out spectacular extravaganza celebration blowout! But, you know, bigger. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Why is it PB&J? have a little self-respect, J, and demand top billing. We all know PB is just coasting. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
By hook or by crook, I pledge to stop beginning sentences with outdated idioms that nobody understands. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Quit asking for a cracker, Polly. You know I don't believe in handouts. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Getting in fighting form for Biden's arrival tomorrow. If I nail him in the interview, I think I automatically become VP. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Still waiting for ACLU to pick up my class-action lawsuit against bathroom attendants. I KNOW GENERIC-BRAND SCOPE WHEN I TASTE IT! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
This tweet is to officially announce that this tweet is not my announcement. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The revolution will not be TIVO'd. Sorry, but I have to save the space for Bing Bang Theory episodes. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I've been known to tickle the ivories, which is why I'm not allowed near the elephants at the zoo. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Can anybody babysit for me while I'm on break? Or to be more accurate, baby-cageless-cobra-sit for me? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Nobody puts Stephen in a corner. Because that's where I keep all my outdated movie references. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I’m a real American. I don’t just take Labor Day off, I take Labor Week off. See you on the 7th! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
See you at the emmys this weekend! To help you recognize me, i'll be the one holding an emmy. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Still can't decide how to dress for Beck's 8/28 rally. Silk pantaloons or Continental Congress Casual? — PolitiTweet.org
