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Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Today I'm meeting @ev, the CEO and co-founder of Twitter. I bet he's going to invite me to get in on the ground floor of this whole thing. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Gaga just did a Vogue photoshoot wearing only raw meat. When she does it, it's art - when I do it, it's "Daddy, you ruined another BBQ." — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
It's the last weekend of summer, unless you live in LA, where it's the 198,789,960 weekend of summer. Chew on that, Halifax, Nova Scotia. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just spent all day at Legoland. It was so much fun, next time I think I'll bring my children. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Craigslist has shut down their adult services section. Looks like the "used futon for sale" ads are about to get a lot more interesting. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Facebook is trying to trademark the word "Face". I am going to trademark the word "aceboo", and then wait for the dollars to roll in. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Now that you know the name of my new show, I'd like you to please welcome our very first sponsor: Utz Pub Mix http://bit.ly/aBtszp — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I announced the name of my show today right here: http://bit.ly/cc3jhU (Spoiler alert: The words "Tonight" and "Show" aren't in it.) — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I was going to announce the name of my new show today, but my lawyers tell me "The Return of Nanny McPhee" is taken. Tune in tomorrow. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
A huge victory for me at last night's Emmys. That's right, my wife let me have the aisle seat. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Hey gang! I'm off to The Emmys on NBC! Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I may be jumping into this whole Muslim controversy a little late, but really? He's going to call himself Kareem Abdul Jabbar? — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
When Churchill said "Difficulties mastered are opportunities won", I don't think he had ever tried to "sext" on an iPhone. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Someone just explained to me that I don't get paid for tweeting. I'm going to miss you guys. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
LeVar Burton wants to start a Twitter war with me. I don't have time to feud with anyone who appeared in the Cameo "Word Up" video. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Lady Gaga just passed Britney Spears as the person with the most Twitter followers. In a related story, I'm closing in on LeVar Burton! — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Stallone is still on top! Our reward: more Planet Hollywoods. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
In a recent interview, Kim Kardashian says her "entire body is hairless". Sounds like she went into a salon and asked for "The O'Brien". — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
My writers are nominated tonight at the Creative Arts Emmys. Win or lose, it's an honor just knowing none of them will get laid. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I came into my office today and Andy had hung this over my desk. He apparently has a lot of them. http://twitpic.com/2giosz — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The FDA egg recall has hit a total of 380 million eggs. I can’t wait till they find the tired, evil hen that did this. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
The NASA robot doing chores on the space station has its own Twitter account. I'm glad to see NASA is still shooting for the stars. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Today’s NY Post says I was spotted in NYC dining with Maury Povich and Connie Chung. Whoever’s impersonating me—aim higher. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Stallone's movie "The Expendables" is #1. Look for the movie coming out about my exploits in high school: "The Let'sBeFriendables". — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
On JetBlue and the flight attendant just offered us "all the f***ing Terra Blue chips you a**holes can eat." Love this airline! — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Just booked the first guest for my new show. Tune in to see me cuddle a pygmy tufted-ear marmoset. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
Lebron tweeted that he remembers everyone who's done him wrong. Or more specifically, everyone who told him to grow an Abe Lincoln beard. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
My new bathroom at TBS has two railings around the toilet. Those idiots - I asked for four. http://twitpic.com/2e1cwa — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
My wife is out of town for a few days. When the cat's away, the mice will watch G String Divas. — PolitiTweet.org
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
For those of you who are wondering, yes, this is a photo of me at 18: http://bit.ly/9yJ6zx. It's also a photo of me at 30. And 40. — PolitiTweet.org
